Pre-diagnosis

Initial Symptoms

I was diagnosed in April 2021. The skin on my palms and soles of my feet started to get itchy maybe a month before. I thought it was dry skin because it was still winter. I ignored it because I was in extremely good health. I never get sick.

My skin started turning yellow a couple of weeks later. I made an appointment with my primary care physician. I was a little sluggish and tired, but I wasn’t sure why. I thought I was working too hard so I ignored those. I told myself, “If my eyes turn yellow, I’ll go in.”

They turned yellow so I took myself to the ER, called my kids, and let them know. My daughter came to join me. They did blood tests and CAT scans. They came up with this horrible diagnosis that I was going to die from some rare type of cancer. They didn’t even know what it was.

I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t even know what this cancer was. I couldn’t sleep so I watched TV a lot at night. I saw an infomercial about the type of cancers that Roundup was causing and they said, “Call one of our lawyers.” They took my case like nothing.

It’s been an interesting journey getting that sick. Honestly, even when I got out of the hospital, I never really thought I was that sick. It wasn’t until maybe six months later that it sunk in. Even when I had to learn how to walk, talk, and all that, I thought it was normal, but it’s not.

Those were challenges that I had to go through, but I stayed positive. I didn’t question anything and did what I was told. The way I looked at it, I’ll be okay by Christmas and be able to be with my family. That was my goal and that’s what I cared about. That’s what got me through everything.

He asked if I had any questions. My daughter, poor thing, was crying her eyes out. I felt bad for her. What I heard was that I can be cured. What she heard was a death sentence because she heard chemo.

I asked if I was going to lose my hair. He said yes. She cried more. I said, “It’s just hair. It grows back. It’s not a big deal. Who cares?”

My other question that she couldn’t believe I asked was, “Can I still drink beer?” I like beer. He said, “Yeah, two a week.” He knows once you get on chemo, who wants a drink? You’re sicker than a dog.

They did blood work the week before I saw the oncologist and he explained what type of cancer it was and what type of chemo they were going to do. They have you watch videos, give you pamphlets, get the port put in, and start getting you hooked up.

My daughter asked, “If she doesn’t do chemo, how long will she last?” He said, “She’ll be dead by July.” It was that aggressive and I didn’t know. I was always against chemo, but when you’re in that position, you change your mind real quick. If that’s what’s going to save my life, so be it.

Getting Intubated

On my daughter’s 40th birthday, they woke me up and said, “We need to intubate you. We need to give your lungs a break.” As far as I was concerned, it had to sign the document and that’s all it has to be.

I could barely talk. My daughter planned a trip to Mexico and I kept trying to tell her, “Go on your trip. There is nothing you can do for me.” She was so emotional that I didn’t think she could hear what I was saying.

The next thing I know, I’m intubated. I remember waking up and being tied because I tried to pull it out, but I don’t remember that.

I remember waking up one time and biting it nervously. It’s an ordeal to be on a breathing tube. Nobody wipes your saliva so it goes down the back of your neck. Your nose runs and nobody cleans it. Your lips are severely chapped.

They do bathe you. Thank God for the port because that’s how they fed me.

When I felt myself slipping, I prayed. All that came back to me. Am I religious? No, I’m more spiritual. But I was asking the universe, God, anybody, “Just let me live. I’ll figure it out from there.”

I begged for my life that night. I woke up and the sun was out. I was so grateful. I wasn’t out of the woods.

When I could talk, the first thing I asked my daughter was, “Did your dad do a ceremony for me?” She said, “How did you know?” I said, “Because I saw it.” I asked my two cousins, “Were you guys praying for me? Each one of your congregations?” They said yes.

The one that stumped me was Saudi Arabia. I don’t know anybody there. I told my father about it and he said his wife’s daughter married Saudi Arabian. They live there and they told them so their whole congregation was praying. That’s what I saw.

Recovering from COVID

It’s been an interesting journey being shut in because COVID was really bad. I had no immune system. I didn’t dare go to a store. I didn’t go anywhere out of the house except to the doctor’s visits or blood work. I was very cautious. I never want to be that sick again.

I had a double pneumonia and a super pneumonia from COVID so my lungs are scarred. Can I handle another pneumonia? I don’t know and I don’t want to find out.

My mother was very sick when I was a child. She had heart disease so she was intubated several times. We saw that and she came out of it every single time. To me, when he said they were going to intubate me, it didn’t scare me. I thought I’d be fine.”

My kids couldn’t understand that. You hear people dying from COVID, but in my mind, I’m going to come out of it. I’m going to be okay somehow.

Side Effects of Treatment

Five days after treatment, I got neutropenia. I ended up in the hospital for a week.

I only had one chemo after coming out of the hospital so it did make me tired but not more tired than what I had already been through.

I never got nauseated, which was a good thing. I did get neuropathy so now I have chronic neuropathy. I have chronic lower back pain. I don’t know what to contribute that to other than being in the hospital for so long and staying in the same positions plus the shortage of nurses to turn you when you’re in ICU.

The last chemo kicked my butt. That left me weak for weeks.

Life After Cancer

I hadn’t been out in so long that I didn’t even know what’s what anymore. There’s so much new development.

I went to play darts once and in the back of my mind, I got freaked out that I was around a lot of germs, but my counts were pretty good so I felt okay. It’s summertime and the doors are open.

In the fall, I’m not going anywhere. I do believe that my immune system is better. My granddaughter comes over and she’s been sick twice but I didn’t so I must be doing okay.

I don’t want COVID again. That put the fear of God in me. I don’t even know if I can handle the flu. It’s an interesting journey going from being extremely healthy to this crazy cancer because that never ran in my family.

They said I had to relearn to swallow; that’s part of having the breathing tube. I thought they were kidding me, but they didn’t lie because I tried to swallow Jell-O and it freaked me out. Even today, I have problems swallowing.

I have to chew my food in tiny little bites because I’ll choke. They can stretch it if they want to, but I don’t want to do that because I’ve had so many surgeries and procedures.

Try not to feel sorry for yourself because it’s not going to do any good. You’re going to give cancer the advantage. Go in with the attitude that you’re going to kick its butt. They give you all the tools to kick its butt.

Know that you’re not alone. It’s unfortunate, but you’ll get through it. There’s no reason not to.

I had a rare cancer. They told me I was going to die, but I thought to myself, No, I’m not because you don’t know me. I’m not going to die. I don’t care what kind of cancer you say I have. It’s not going to happen.