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Adcetris (brentuximab) Classical Hodgkin Lymphoma Immunotherapy

Delishea’s Stage 4B Classical Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Story

Delishea’s Stage 4B Classical Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Story

Delishea shares her journey of navigating stage 4B Hodgkin’s Lymphoma — from recognizing her first symptoms, getting diagnosed, undergoing chemotherapy, radiation, and then targeted therapy (brentuximab or Adcetris).

Her story takes us on an inspirational ride from small-town primary care diagnosis to big-city treatment and survivorship.

Read her in-depth story below and watch our conversation on video. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Delishea!

  • Name: Delishea A.
  • Diagnosis (DX)
    • Hodgkin’s Lymphoma
    • Stage 4B
  • Age at DX 
    • 30 years old
  • 1st Symptoms
    • Extreme itching
    • Dry cough
  • Treatment
    • A+AVD chemotherapy (Adcetris + Adriamycin, vinblastine, dacarbazine)
    • Radiation
    • Targeted therapy (Adcetris)

This interview has been edited for clarity. This is not medical advice. Please consult with your healthcare provider for treatment decisions.


Video Segment: Getting Diagnosed


Life Before Cancer

Tell us a little bit about yourself

I’m Delishea. I’m from down South. I’m a Louisiana girl. There’s not really much to say. I’m a reader.  I’m more of a fiction girl. I love stories, and I love pineapples.

Getting Diagnosed

1st Symptoms

I felt that something was seriously wrong, but I constantly tried to make an excuse.

My first symptoms were terrible itchiness, especially on my legs, that I would constantly scratch no matter what I put on there. I thought maybe it was dry skin, dermatitis, or some kind of skin problem.

The second symptom I noticed toward the end of 2019 was having a dry cough — not like a cold, whooping cough. After that, I started having a wheezing sound, which I later found out was because of the fluid from my lungs from the actual tumor.

Then I started getting really tired, fatigued, just really weak, and dizzy. What really brought me to the doctor was the lump on my neck. It’s years of symptoms and ignoring.

»MORE: Read more patient experiences with first symptoms of lymphoma

First visit to the doctor

I live in a small town. I’m so thankful that even though he wasn’t a doctor — he was a nurse practitioner who had his own office — he knew what he was doing.

When he saw where the lump was, he knew and said, “Okay, that’s not in the right spot.” He didn’t tell me he’s suspecting I have cancer. I’m grateful he didn’t make me panic. He said, “I don’t like where it’s at, so we’re gonna get some blood work.”

I got the blood work done the same day. He did a full CBC and tested it for Epstein-Barr. He already suspected what it was, but of course, he did not tell me then because I’m a young girl who’s just so panicked. Then he later scheduled a CT scan.

Describing the CT scan

It’s like in MRI, but they did it with contrast. They put something through your vein, which makes you feel like it burns. You go through the machine that looks like a big donut hole and scan your body.

In that visit, I knew something was wrong with me. I just went in a regular check, but by the end, the nurse asked me 3 times if I have had any kind of X-ray or surgery on my chest.

That’s when I knew that something was wrong, because she asked 3 times. Then I finally asked the X-ray tech, “Can you tell me what was wrong?” But he said he couldn’t.

That day changed my whole life. That was the big day.

When did you get your results?

I got them 9 hours later, but he didn’t give me the full report.

When I was back home, they called me and told me I need to bring somebody with me. They didn’t tell me what I got. I thought, “When they tell you you have to bring somebody with you, something’s up.”

From the partial report, he just wanted to see that I was okay. From the nurse I saw a week before, these reports don’t match up. My right lung was full of fluid, and the mass was huge. It was 17 cm. That’s why he physically wanted to check if I needed to be admitted to a hospital.

He leveled out with me on what we do, what we need to do, what we might need to do. But he said he would move me on to an oncologist.

He called different doctors he knew. Since I live in a small town, the next biggest place was 45 minutes away. He had to make those calls for me to get someone to examine me and tell me what I needed to do next. He was very good on that part.

»MORE: Patients describe dealing with scanxiety and waiting for results

When did you think it was cancer?

When I first came there and in the first exam, I didn’t think anything about cancer. He explained something about the lymphatic system, but I still wasn’t thinking cancer.

During the CT scan that same day, he brought up what looks like cancer — the mass. He initially wanted me to see a pulmonologist because of the mass on the chest, but the doctor told him, “No, you need to send her to an oncologist to look at the CT results.” That’s how I got schedules for it.

We were in shock, my mom and me. I didn’t cry. We sat in the car, and we still didn’t process it. I told my dad later that day, but he didn’t process it until days later.

Describe the PET scan

My first PET scan was very traumatic for me. When you’re in the process of getting diagnosed, you’re going through a whole bunch of tests. At that point, I had fluid in my lungs, so I was in pain.

The PET scan is like a CT scan, going through a hole. It looks the same for me, but with a PET scan, you have to sit an hour before. They have to do something with you. A fluid has to sit in you, and before you get the test, they make you go to the bathroom and pass urine.

The test itself is short. That was like 10 minutes. It’s the waiting before that is not, just like in a CT, but depending on if they do full body. I think they did skull to mid-thigh. I can’t remember. I had huge anxiety from it.

But once I went in, I cried because I was in so much pain. I was coughing a lot.

Being in a hospital during COVID

You will basically be by yourself while doing all these procedures. Your loved ones will just have to sit outside and wait for you. It was huge anxiety.

It was the worst time to be in a hospital.

Describe the moment you got the diagnosis

In my first hospital, there wasn’t a lot of communication. There were just so many tests that were bad. I had 2 procedures in 2 days in a row that I was under anesthesia and sedation.

They didn’t say yet what stage I was at. I got the port before they told me the complete staging.

They said, ‘You have a good cancer. It can be treated.’ But to me, cancer is cancer.

That’s the first thing I heard when my previous oncologist told me the diagnosis. “You’re young. It can be treated. You can do chemo.”

What was really traumatizing that not really a lot of people here talk about is not being able to have children later on. That’s one of the first things they told me. They just told me, “After this, you won’t be able to have kids. Here are the papers. Sign. You need this treatment.”

They tried to explain what it was, but I learned more about it through research, looking at things on my own, and explaining to my family because I wasn’t really getting a full explanation from the doctors.

»MORE: Patients share how they processed a cancer diagnosis

Breaking the news of cancer and getting chemo

I’m a very private person, but I was at the point where I didn’t mind people knowing. I didn’t want people to just check on me and be nosy.

Most people that knew about it were close family — like my mom, who was the patient advocate, my sister, dad, brother, and my aunt, who stayed to help in the house. If they told other people, I didn’t mind, but they respected my privacy.

Later on, when they found out, they were like, “Why didn’t you say anything?” But I’m like, “I don’t know. It’s a weird thing to bring up.”

»MORE: Breaking the news of a diagnosis to loved ones

How was the bone marrow biopsy?

It was hard because mine was back to back with another test, and I was still full of fluid in my lung.

When I think of bone marrow biopsy, I picture how I’ve seen it on TV, where they put this huge needle in, and you’re gonna feel it. I didn’t think you’re going to feel numb. Maybe that was just me watching too much TV.

It was actually not a bad experience. I didn’t feel anything like drilling in the needle or scraping the needle. It’s weird that you saw them put in something there, but you didn’t actually feel it. The actual tap wasn’t painful at all. It was just uncomfortable because I still have fluid on my lungs, but then I have to lay in there and be in the right position.

Hearing the full diagnosis

I found out that I had stage 4. That day, they actually told me, and then I found out on the phone that it spread a little bit.

That was the first time I actually cried. In my mind, I know nothing about cancer, but I hear stage 4, that it spread a little bit somewhere else, and I automatically think negative. That was big deal.

That’s when I really came into terms with, “Okay, I have cancer.”

I had a good attitude. I wanted to get the test and know what it was. You’d want them to have the answers right then and there.

Because when you don’t have the clarity of what it is, it’s a huge anxiety.

I had my family with me; my mom didn’t want me to be alone. My sister and aunt consoled me, and that was a huge thing.

Video Segment: Chemo, Radiation & Targeted Therapy

A + AVD Chemotherapy

Editor’s note: This is different than the ABVD chemotherapy regimen.

  • Adcetris (brentixumab)
  • Adriamycin (doxorubicin)
  • Vinblastine
  • Dacarbazine
How was the treatment described to you?

There wasn’t much communication. When I was in the chemo room, that’s when I asked, “What is this? What are you putting in me?”

What I really remember is the red kind, the “Red Devil.” That’s the one I remember the most, and that brought me to researching my treatment.

It was so nerve-wracking because you will use the bathroom prior to treatment, and in just a matter of hours, it becomes like that. I dread it because you’ll know there are other people getting treatment in the room and were in the same bathroom.

Your smell sensor also becomes so strong.

When you go through that process, you just want to do whatever it takes to get better — just give me whatever. Now I wish I took the time to research more and ask more questions.

Chemotherapy regimen

They gave me A+AVD, plus steroids. They also gave me Benadryl. [It was] 6 cycles, every 2 weeks.

When I first started out, it was on Fridays. Then when I changed doctors, it was every other Monday of about 3 and a half hours of treatment.

For my first doctor, we did pregnancy tests before I could receive the treatment. Later on when I moved to the other doctors, I had to get blood work and see my doctor before each treatment.

I moved to a new doctor because of the hurricane damage. It was actually a blessing in disguise because I moved to a better doctor in a bigger area, and they had a better treatment resource.

The whole experience got better for me.

Things that I wasn’t used to, even the small stuff — like having heated blankets, snacks, and drinks — was important.

Why is it important to a patient to have small comforts from home?

You want to feel comfortable through the process, because it’s long. You’ll be sitting there for hours. For some people, it might go shorter, but that’s still hours of you having something running through you.

For me, it felt very uncomfortable. It makes you feel kind of icky because you can smell the chemicals.

Sometimes the medicines can make you sleepy, but it’s the best sleep you’ll get. No one talks about the sleep disturbance sometimes at night, so at least you get your good sleep during the chemo.

Just being comfortable and making sure you have the snacks and drinks and whatever makes you feel like you’re just not alone — these things matter. The nurses are caring and attentive. I had nurses that would ask, “Do you want something? A snack? Do you want a drink?”

Those are little things that matter because it makes you not dread the thought of going to the hospital.

What makes a good doctor?

My oncologist and my radiology doctors were wonderful. They explain even the smallest things, things that you think are stupid, or just common sense questions. They stop and explain their care. They ask things about you as a person, like, “How are you doing?”

I know my doctor here was very attentive. He asked how things were back at home. He knew what I went through each visit. That’s a huge thing.

The huge difference is making you feel they care [by] explaining things to you, breaking it down, and not making you feel like it is a dumb question.

Describe the side effects

Sometimes you get the best sleep during the chemo, but I feel very tired during sessions.

Afterwards, that’s when I get my first meal. Before I could feel any of the effects, nausea, or anything kick in later, I’ll get a nice sit-down dinner. We would sit down and eat dinner and make sure I have something filling me, because steroids make you nauseous.

Some of the side effects for me were weight gain, fatigue, and my appetite kicking in. I crave carbs and sweets, which is frustrating because they tell you the opposite. You have to eat healthy, but the steroids makes you crave the worst thing.

I also had joint pains for my back, maybe because you’re not moving as much as you used to. You’re sleeping more; you’re lying down more.

Neuropathy is something I’m still dealing with today. Just a lot of other things, hair loss, the scratching, the itching that went away after my first treatment, the fluid on my lungs that eventually went away. 

I did have problems with constipation and nausea, but it was a weird feeling. If I didn’t eat, it made me want to eat more. If I didn’t eat or if I ate too little, I get nauseous. If I ate too much, I get nauseated. It’s like I had to eat something, or I just feel very weak.

»MORE: Cancer patients share their treatment side effects

They also gave me Neupogen, which had other side effects, too. It can cause constipation, stomach ache, can cause problems with your kidneys. I didn’t experience any of that.

I try to stay hydrated, so none of that happened a lot. I was scared of that, so I made sure I was hydrated and made sure I was flushing it out days after chemo by drinking water.

Eating healthy during treatment

I changed the way I ate. Before, I would skip breakfast before all this happened. During the treatment, I will eat a huge breakfast, with eggs, toast, and fruit smoothie drink. I always made sure that it would have some protein in it, like eggs, fruit, and veggies. 

»MORE: Tips on food and drinks to help during chemotherapy

How did you deal with hair loss?

For me, it wasn’t a heritage. I hear some people say that it was very emotional, but for me, it wasn’t. I just didn’t want to see my family see it fall. I wanted to protect them from seeing that part, but they saw it anyways.

I had my hair in little twist locks. When it was time for me to wash my hair and undo the locks, it kept tangling. My mom kept asking me, “Do you want me to do your hair?” I said no, because I wanted to protect her from seeing that. That’s my mom, and I know my mom.

She did my hair. Finally, it was pulling from the roots. She stopped and asked, “Do you have to go ahead and shave it all off?” I’m lucky that our brother is a barber, so he knew how to cut hair.

I really didn’t want him to do it then. I wanted him to do it at the shop when nobody was there, but I needed it done then. My hair was falling, and I didn’t want to see it on my pillows or wake up to it. He shaved it all off, and then it wasn’t too bad for me because I actually started growing it back before treatment even ended.

I was very blessed. I asked my doctor about it and if it is normal to see your hair go back before treatment ends.

I wasn’t too attached, but I can say now presently, if I did lose it again from just the treatment I’m on now, then I think I will cry. I’ll be emotional about it because I’ve seen it grow back.

Tests in between treatments

Our place went through a hurricane, and that period affected my treatment. I had to do it over a long period of time, kind of delayed. Each one of my PET scans was pretty good. They showed the chemo is working. Everything’s working. I don’t know the exact size, though.

A possibility of radiation was discussed before the last PET scan. It wasn’t concrete yet. The doctor wanted to see first, but after the last PET scan, he said we would do radiation. Then that’s when he sent me to the radiology.

Radiation Therapy

Describe the radiation sessions

I had to do 20 sessions in 4 weeks. That was 5 days a week, and I got grade 35. It’s not a lot compared to other cancers and targeted radiation.

The process was fairly easy. They mold you, which was fun because they make a mold of you like in Play-Doh. From there, they would adjust the mold to really suit you. That’s what you laid in each day. You have to align up to those measurements each day to get a great targeted spot that they need for radiation.

Because they were targeting my chest, it had to be open and bare. Other than that, they made it really comfortable.

We listened to music, whatever music you want to listen to that day. Then you just let them do their thing. I really don’t have to do anything. They move you. You just come in, lay down, and listen to music.

Each session was about 10 minutes. Then, of course, there’s time to check-in, undress, and do all these things. Since they were doing my chest area, I just leave my pants on. They already have gowns in your dressing room. Overall, you spent an hour there.

What makes it longer is if they have to adjust you and your measurements. They might have to move you around to get that right area, because they have to make sure it’s right before the radiation and that computer start.

They try to make you feel comfortable so you don’t dread it. I’m doing it 5 days a week. I had a wonderful team, and I didn’t dread going. I really enjoyed them.

Radiation side effects

I did not feel any side effects during the process, but it came after treatment.

It is like getting sunburned inside. It’s not a great feeling because you can’t drink, you can’t eat, and it hurts like a cat clawing inside your throat. All they can do is make you comfortable.

I took aloe vera juice. They call it miracle mouthwash mix. Other than that, I can’t really do anything. I couldn’t eat anything. It was dreadful. Even water hurts to drink, and it lasted for about a week.

What it meant for you to finish radiation and to have support around you

That last day was such a wonderful day because they took the time out to make me feel special, like it was your birthday or something, because it was a good day.

The team was wonderful. They were caring, especially because I was going through it at a very young age. I didn’t see anyone younger, which is a good thing. Overall, it was a really good experience and a good feeling.

»MORE: Read other patient experiences with radiation therapy

Targeted Therapy (Brentuximab/Adcetris)

Adcetris treatment

It’s a targeted therapy. It’s given through infusion, so it was given through your port.

When you get chemo, chemo kills all cells, but this kills just the bad cancer cells.

It doesn’t really have any side effects so far. I just noticed some neuropathy on my fingers and my feet.

There’s a possibility of fatigue, hair loss, and all that, the same as chemo, but I haven’t experienced anything else so far. I get it every 3 weeks for 30 minutes, for 6 months to a year. I don’t know if it’s going to be until the end of the year.

How do you feel with the progress so far?

My progress has been going pretty well. I’ve had a PET scan at the beginning of the year, and from the end of the radiation, I had a CT scan.

My tumor has shrunk just from the radiation. I have one coming up in June, and we’ll see if it still feels strong. The doctor really wants to get it to a point where it’s steady — not growing, no activity, no nothing — to where they can just monitor me, and I won’t have to come in.

They just want to get me to a point where they can fully say that they treated it, because this cancer, like they said, is treatable.

They just want to make sure they do whatever possible before they let me go a little bit.

»MORE: Read more patient experiences with targeted therapy 

Video Segment: Survivorship

Support, Community, and Self-Advocating

Describe how you helped protect your mental health throughout all of this

For me, it was my faith. It was just having faith. I believe in God. I’m a Christian, and that kept me steady, to not go over the edge and get to that deep hole. Sometimes your thoughts can lead to the end, but it was just about taking it day by day.

My faith and the really good support that I had helped me through.

Having people that surround you and love you and keep you grounded really helped a lot.

Importance of caregivers

My caregiver is my sister. From the beginning, it was my mom and my dad. They were a big help from the very beginning. 

My mom, being a big mama bear, wanted to take me to all my treatments. She wanted to do everything, so I had to tell her to take a step back and make sure her health is okay.

Once I moved doctors, I stayed with my sister, who actually stays in the same area. I’m with her all the time. I didn’t have to worry about traveling or staying in hotels to be able to attend treatments.

Participating in clinical trials

My doctor had the option to give me something stronger, but he didn’t want to exhaust all the options out on this one time. Just in case it comes back later on, I have option 2 and 3.

That’s one of the reasons why he wanted to do the scan, to make sure it’s treated and gone and never comes back. I think clinical trials are very important.

If I ever get to that point where they didn’t have any other option, I would be open to doing it. Whenever I can, whatever I can, to be cured and treated — or if not cured, in remission again.

»MORE: Read more on FDA approvals of clinical trials

Getting treatment from small and big hospitals

It’s a big question of health care, like health insurance.

Before I got sick, before 2020 and the pandemic, or before we were in a stay-at-home order, I didn’t have any health insurance. It was because my job didn’t provide good health insurance. When I got laid off (I did get laid off during the process), my mom convinced me to get Medicaid.

Being a millennial, thinking that we’re going to just be gone 2 weeks, I didn’t want to, but then I just did what she said.

I didn’t think I had cancer then. I didn’t think I was going to need it. It did come in handy later on. Not being able to work because my doctor doesn’t want me to work was a big thing. It is just as real.

Since I live in a smaller area, while there are hospitals, everyone’s there for a hospital. But in the bigger area that I went to, they have multiple hospitals, and I could get treated at an actual hospital. It’s a big difference.

In smaller areas, you can probably still get treatment. The bigger areas attract the doctors that know more or have more experience in things like that, and that’s where the traveling comes in. 

Message for other patients about speaking up

Listen to your body. I felt I need to speak up, but then I also thought, ‘Okay, they’re professionals. I’m the patient. They were trained for this.’ But also, you know your body.

You know when something is not feeling right compared to your other experiences before. I’ve made sure I spoke up and let them know whatever I’m feeling, so they can do what they needed to do.

In my situation, the process would have been to check it out, to get an X-ray, and they didn’t do that. That was on them. I made sure I spoke up, and they said they were going to note it in my chart and to slow the medicine down.

As I move to a bigger area where people have more experience, the nurse knew I’m not getting treatment. They did a port placement test to see what was going on, which they should have done before. That’s when they knew that the chemo is not going where it should. That’s another not-so-good story.

Just check with yourself. When you do not feel anything, or if you feel like everything — everything is valid.

Even the smallest thing that might be off, tell your doctor so they can know. It might be significant later on.

Just to give an example, I was having joint pains in my feet. My doctor noted it, and he adjusted my medicine [dose]. From 120 mg, now I get 80 mg.

Even the smallest thing, your doctor can make the changes that he needs or know [he] needs to note in your files and your paperwork so you can be better. You won’t have those huge side effects. Speak so they can make it more comfortable and come up with solutions.

Message to patients and caregivers

Just take it day by day, hour by hour, and evaluate yourself, your emotions, and everything.

If you just think about getting through the end, you just want to get through everything. You just want everything to be done, and you can start your life over.

Take your time. Do what you love. If you can’t work anymore, take that time to figure out what you like to do, and do it.  That’s where I’m at now, figuring out. You just never know when it’s your time.


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Categories
Diffuse Large B-Cell (DLBCL) Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma

Nina’s Stage 4 DLBCL Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Story

Nina’s Stage 4 DLBCL Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Story

Nina shares her non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma story, getting diagnosed with stage 4 diffuse large B-cell (DLBCL) and undergoing chemotherapy.

She takes us through her journey: the fear of navigating it alone, the “scanxiety,” the physical and mental side effects, and survivorship.

You can read her in-depth story below and watch our conversation on video. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Nina!

  • Name: Nina L.
  • Diagnosis (DX)
    • Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma
    • Subtype: Diffuse large B-cell (DLBCL)
    • Stage 3A
  • Age at DX: 25 years old
  • 1st Symptoms
    • Hip pain and lower extremities pain
    • Night sweats
  • Treatment
    • R-CHOP chemotherapy

This interview has been edited for clarity. This is not medical advice. Please consult with your healthcare provider for treatment decisions.


Nina’s Story on Video

Getting Diagnosed
Dealing with Chemo, Hair Loss & Other Side Effects
Survivorship and Cancer Community

First Symptoms

Tell us about yourself outside of the cancer story

I grew up outside of Philadelphia. I was on the women’s rowing team and then went to college at the University of North Carolina, where I was on the Division 1 women’s rowing team. I studied advertising and entrepreneurship.

I then transitioned to New York City. That is where I started a nonprofit called Women in Sports Tech and got into the sports tech landscape myself through my first full-time job.

How does it feel looking at that old picture?

Both good and bad, I’ll be honest. Rowing is a not-so-glorified sport. It looks beautiful, but it is grueling. There’s a lot of heartbreak when trying to work through the schedule and being a student-athlete.

I had a lot of success, but I actually had to medically retire my junior year because of a hip injury. I did have my senior year at an experienced college and a more normal format.

I took more lessons from my rowing career and what I had to endure then every single step of my way during treatment.

How did you know something was wrong?

I didn’t know anything was wrong until January 2020, when I was doing a Pilates course. As a student-athlete, I know how to really work myself, and I was doing the most simple exercise. I tweaked my hip, but nothing was alarming. It grew from my hip down to my legs and calves, and it was just excruciating pain.

I went to a physical therapist 3 times a week, and each time it became worse. It went from lower extremities into upper extremities.

It felt as if I was sore in every cell of my body. It wasn’t until it manifested into my chest that I became more alarmed that this could be something more serious.

Going to get answers

I called my dad and said, “Dad, I have chest pain. I’ve had 2 occasions of night sweats that were severe, and I don’t feel well.”

He said, “This is not a negotiable argument. Get into an Uber, and you’re going to the ER now.” This was March 2020, and COVID was rampant. Was our concern cancer? Absolutely not. Was our concern COVID? Yes.

I went to the ER that evening. I got a CT scan and blood work. I was there by myself. Not a single friend or family member was there.

If I could pinpoint the hardest night of my life, that night would be it because I knew something was so wrong, and I had no one and no answers to help me figure it out.

Dealing with the wait for test results

I’m not a big crier, but I cried from 8:00 p.m. until 4:00 a.m. nonstop. The ER nurses had so many things on their plate with COVID happening. I was the least of their concerns. The CT scan and the blood work came back normal.

My dad, who is in oncology, works for a company called Seattle Genetics, which sells a drug for classic Hodgkin’s lymphoma. He had the wherewithal to say, “Things are not adding up. I am scheduling you for a biopsy the next morning, but I want you to be in Pennsylvania for this.” I got my biopsy the next morning.

»MORE: Read more patient experiences with first symptoms of lymphoma

Getting Diagnosed

Describe the biopsy

For the first one, they took it from my back left pelvic region, where they saw some slight discoloration in my bone marrow. But no one was concerned. The actual ER doctors did not recommend I get a biopsy. It was my dad’s advocacy that made me get it.

The biopsy went smoothly because I was under during that time. The following biopsy that I had to get I was not, and that was excruciating.

How long did it take to get the results?

The doctors said, “We are not concerned that this is anything. We got it because your dad asked for it. Go back to New York and continue working.”

For the next couple of days, I went back to New York. I was walking to and from work. I was taking the subway. At that moment, no one was wearing masks either. COVID was everywhere, and yet I was there not knowing I was as immunocompromised as I possibly could have been.

The oncologist’s call

I will never, ever forget that moment. I saw an unknown number come up on my phone, and I remembered, “Oh, I’m getting my call.” I remember answering it and hearing the hello. I knew then something was wrong.

I had to patch in my parents on the other side. The doctor said to me, “We have found that your biopsy shows you have lymphoma, a form of cancer.”

I put myself on mute. I sank to the floor, and I screamed. I have no idea what was said after that moment. I completely blacked out from any conversations.

The hardest part about that moment was hearing the despair from my parents — predominantly my mom, who lost all control — and to be so thrown off and set up that this could not be the case, then hearing otherwise.

Did you process what that meant at that moment?

The word “cancer” has so much behind it, and I processed it to the point of like, “How? They had to have it wrong. That couldn’t have been me.”

By processing, I was denying it, and I had to make a few important phone calls. I had to process it to verbalize what happened, but if I were asked to recall what I said and how I said it, I would have no idea.

»MORE: Patients share how they processed a cancer diagnosis

Breaking the news of cancer to people

I am a big people pleaser. I took it as my responsibility to individually call every single person in my life who I had touched even remotely to share the news on a very personal level. To say I had individual conversations with 200 people would not be an overestimate.

By personal conversations, I would get on the phone. I would explain to them my situation, and I would have to re-comfort them to ensure that I was going to be okay.

I was the mother to every conversation I have.

That is not something I recommend doing, but it allowed me a community of people who from that initial conversation had my back every single step of the way.

»MORE: Breaking the news of a diagnosis to loved ones

Treatment Decisions

Staging and deciding the course of treatment

The PET scan showed I was stage 4, but they did not know specifically what double markers I had, which then determined the line of treatment.

I would have either gotten R-CHOP or R-EPOCH, which is a bit more intense type of chemotherapy. The second biopsy had to go forth to enable us to make that decision.

I was not prepared for the biopsy. They just numb the area. The doctor had to try 4 different times to actually extricate the bone marrow, which was the most painful process. This was the day that I found out I was stage 4 diffuse large B-cell and that I was starting chemo.

I also learned that I would not be able to freeze my eggs. It was the second-worst day.

What helped digest the news?

The best advice I can get or give is that it doesn’t take a long time. Getting over that moment is the most important part of the journey because it will determine so many things.

Yes, it’s grueling, but if you can handle those first 10 to 15 minutes, it is all okay after.

It’s just a matter of taking it step-by-step and knowing that this will help you in the long run.

Getting another opinion

My dad being in oncology was an incredible resource.

We were able to get many opinions around the course of treatment, what is best for me in terms of how I’m going about this process, and making sure every T is crossed and I is dotted. We did have multiple people look over my PET scan and form of treatment.

Determining the next steps

According to my biopsy, I didn’t have a double marker, so R-CHOP was definitely the first 3 chemotherapy treatments I would have. After those, if I weren’t showing any improvement, I would then move on into R-EPOCH.

For the first starting factor, this was the frontline form of treatment. I didn’t have much of a say on that, given it is less intensive in terms of the amount and length of chemotherapy infusion. I wanted to start there instead of doing something more intensive.

We had an MRI done on my brain and an echocardiogram. They did not find any lymphoma in my brain, which would warrant me to go through the R-EPOCH route.

Everything was set to go in terms of my heart condition. Since I don’t have a heart condition, I could move forward with treatment 5 days later without any issues.

Chemotherapy

Cutting the hair ahead of the treatment

I had long blonde hair, and I knew that I would lose my hair. Like any female, it’s a form of identity. I took control by cutting off about half of it so that I knew after my first treatment, as it began to fall out, it wouldn’t be as alarming.

It’s still just as alarming, but it was less hair to pick up after. I also got to find a new version of my hair, which was fun to experience. I never really experimented with shorter hair.

Deciding on IV vs Port

My oncologist recommended I not get a port because R-CHOP is typically one day of infusion every 3 weeks. I was not receiving a more regular infusion like R-EPOCH, so they recommended just doing it intravenously (IV).

I had many problems with the IV. My veins would blow out every time, or I would have some allergic reaction, either itching or burning. I would go through both arms, having about 3 or 4 different IV locations each time, and by treatment 6, I had 6 in total. They could barely find one vein that was able to be used.

Now, it’s still a big problem because the veins fall beneath their surface. It did really impact me. There are complications with both (IV and port), but that is what we chose to do.

Describe the chemotherapy regimen

I was still working at that time. After I was diagnosed, I did take a couple of weeks to digest the information. I would then go back to work during treatment 1, 2 and 3. I chose to have my infusion on a Thursday to take off work Thursday and Friday and to have Saturday and Sunday to recover.

The day typically was: arrive at 8:00 a.m. and get my labs done to ensure that all of my counts were normal for me to receive the chemo. I would then go to my chair. It was usually a beige lounge chair. Me and just a line of other people.

As an adolescent/young adult, I was the only young person in the (chemo) room. That wasn’t easy to see.

»MORE: Patients talk about working during cancer treatment

I would get my pre-medications, which typically were Benadryl, Advil and some anti-nausea medication. Then I would start each line of R-CHOP separately.

Every single part took about 45 minutes to 2 hours, depending on the volume of liquid. Each of them has its own complications. The oncology nurses were always by my side. Because of COVID, I had no one else allowed in my chemo infusion room. It was just the nurses and me for about 8 hours each day.

I couldn’t read. I couldn’t watch TV. I could eat little things here and there, but I was just a zombie. The Benadryl they give makes you so sleepy. I didn’t do much.

Not having anyone there was, yes, tough, but it also meant, as a people pleaser, I didn’t have to entertain anyone and make them feel more comfortable. I could handle and prioritize myself, which really made a massive impact.

The part of getting the infusion and not having people was totally doable. But not having family members during pivotal decision-making processes was not ideal. I would have to call them in and get feedback via phone first instead of having them sitting there in real-time, making decisions.

Chemotherapy Side Effects

Describe the side effects

About a week after my first treatment, I started to feel pain. I’ve let my hair naturally fall out for about a week and a half before I decided to take control and shape it. I did see the hair falling out in large clumps. I would refrain from brushing to not see how much has come off.

Getting through the side effects

The biggest and most known is nausea. After my first infusion and into my last, I would have about 72 hours of extreme nausea. This was day-consuming nausea. I would wake up with it, only able to eat a few things, but it did go away. Some people are not as fortunate to have that nausea go away naturally. I was able to get back into full appetite and energy by about week 2 after each infusion.

What helped me the most with my nausea was having some exercise. That seems counterintuitive, but it stimulates the appetite, gets you out in fresh air and gives some movement for the body.

Then there were a lot of liquid calories. I got into smoothies, green juices and protein powders that were vegan and synthetic-free. This is how I was able to maintain my weight, which if I had dipped any lower, I probably wouldn’t have been able to receive chemo, which would then extremely hurt my chances of survival.

The second was lack of energy, and that is very difficult. I used sleep as my weapon of choice and was not ashamed of it, but incorporating movement and good nutrition every day allowed me to really kick that energy into high gear. I did not have neuropathy. I did not experience any numbness in my fingers and toes.

And then hair loss.

I also had to take Lupron, an injection that puts your body into a state of menopause to help your ovaries not shed each month so that I could protect some of the eggs, given that I wasn’t able to freeze. This made me have the worst hot flashes and mood swings. That, on top of just feeling shitty already, was not ideal, but I was able to manage those to the best of my ability.

»VIDEO: The Patient Story Video: How to Cope with Hair Loss

Biggest side effect not many talk about

People can talk about the physical side effects all day long, but it really takes your mental health to be as strong as possible during this time. It is something that is lacking in oncology and our entire world.

It is extremely important for every patient to highlight the importance of mental health during this time.

»MORE: Mental and emotional support when leaving the hospital

Getting greens to help with side effects 

I met with a nutritionist who said, “The only thing you need to focus on is eating food. I don’t really care what you eat; just eat it.”

But I took a different approach. I took sugar and heavily processed carbs and flours out of my diet. It is universally known that these types of foods are not wonderful, especially for inflammation and cancer. My main goal during this process was to consume whole, natural, organic foods that made me feel full and energized.

This was my own undertaking, but it was something my entire family got behind and supported me with, which allowed me to succeed and stick with it during the course of my treatment.

I counteracted some of the negative stories I told myself through meditation. I had been practicing before I was diagnosed, and I made it a daily ritual to have a 15- to 20-minute meditation, just sitting in my thoughts. Again, it seems counterintuitive, but it ended up being a massive way for me to befriend some of the scariest things that came up.

Meditation helped me tell the stories that I want to manifest — that it wasn’t true and that I would get through this.

»MORE: Read other patient experiences on yoga and meditation

Sharing is empowering

I took a lot of videos of me just talking about my experience and how it felt, showing the hair and being really vulnerable about the experience. It allowed me a space to share the honest truth and have people see what’s aside from that. For a lot of females, they either don’t discuss it because it’s hard or they’re afraid or ashamed of it, and this allowed me that safe space.

What allowed me to get through that was the love and validation from hundreds, if not thousands, of people saying I was glowing with or without hair. That type of inspiration from others allowed me to cultivate that inspiration for myself.

It made me feel invincible. Losing the “beauty” and the exterior part of a female’s beauty is extremely difficult. That identity is taken from you. You begin to rely on people to help validate internally, not just externally, that you are loved and worthy, despite losing hair and that feminine aspect.

The ocean is my lotion of healing. Sunshine and water and just being in nature are 3 of the most powerful forces. My mental health and my physical health were better when I put myself in environments that made me feel energized and healthy.

End of Treatment

Last day of chemo

That day was very emotional. I was by myself again for treatment number 6, and I was so proud of myself. I was so proud of what I had just endured and what my body just did. Usually there’s a big bell that you ring, and they didn’t have it because of COVID, so my parents brought little shakers to celebrate my last day.

I just felt like I had that power and strength, given the amount of support that my family and friends provided me. I really was feeling every power of hope in me.

Mid- and post-treatment scans

Scanxiety is real. I would manifest my symptoms about 2 to 3 days before each of my scans. It would come up just to show me I still have cancer. It’s coming back. The results are going to be bad.

I would have night sweats because of my anxiety. I would have full-body aches. I would have chest pains. Everything I had experienced, I felt right before each of my scans.

But my midway scan was amazing. They showed huge progress, even though I was having those weird symptoms.

Similarly, at my end scan, I was like, “Well, it’s all back. I have every symptom,” and it wasn’t there.

It is so important to just let each step happen as it is and to really take into account that your body can do crazy things. There is hope even when you do not feel like there is.

“In remission”

I got to see my friends for the first time after my treatment, and I gave myself a few weeks to recover and went out to Montauk to celebrate. I was in the most beautiful picturesque place. I was wearing a dress, and I was considering wearing a wig but thought, “No, I’m just going to own it and be bald.” I didn’t have eyebrows either.

I’ll never forget that time because I got to experience friendship on a physical level again for the first time in a while and what happiness really felt like.

A week after that, I learned with my family by my side that I was in remission, and my scan came back clear.

Just in a week’s span, my life went from feeling like it was over to the most positive feeling in the world.

Life After Cancer

Transition to survivorship

I have transitioned from a facade as easily as most people would think transitioning could look. After treatment, I moved back to the city. I started working again and even got promoted.

It felt as though everything was falling back into place. I was in remission. I had friends around me. I was in a big city, but my mental health was not there.

I struggled with it, but having a consistent routine and incorporating the things I learned during my treatment into my daily life helped me through this transition. Some of those things were following my meditation practice, movement, eating well, and making sure I connect with family and friends each day to give them the lowdown on how I was feeling.

Finding Your Cancer Community

Getting it out on social media

I started on TikTok right before I was diagnosed. As I got diagnosed, I continued and shared snippets of my cancer journey. That knowledge and video blogging had never happened before with cancer, and TikTok was a place for communities to see it and feel the same thing I was feeling.

By cancer community, I wouldn’t say all these people had any relationship to cancer, but I’m sure some of them do.

I was able to form a group of people who inspired me. Truly these strangers gave me hope and energy.

If I did one thing that benefited me, it was doing those series of videos on TikTok to express how I was doing.

At one point, I thought I wasn’t giving myself privacy. Every single step of my journey was shared. But those videos are the ones that resonated the most.

In terms of exposure, the biggest and what put me on the map was the day my dad shaved my head, which now has 2.5 million views. It was emotional, but it showcased the inspiration of that moment. Rather than the negative and more emotional side, it resonated with people to see that this isn’t the worst thing about the journey and that they will get through it.

For adolescent/young adult patients

For me, sharing was no problem, and I felt very open to it. But for others, that might not be the case.

As young adults, we rely a lot on the external validation of others, and without that part of your journey, it can feel very lonely.

I encourage people to find their resources pretty quickly and use them as a bench to lean on throughout the entire process.

It really comes down to what feels best for you and leaning on people to lift you, whether in a public or private setting.

Caregivers are just as much going through cancer as the patient themselves. In my case, my parents and my brother had to endure every ounce of pain that I was going through, and yet, they had to provide that caregiving support. They wanted to, and they did it exceptionally. It’s just as important to showcase the support for those individuals.

How people can support cancer patients

Through this time, we became closer than I thought ever possible. Trauma will either bring people together or pull them apart. I felt extremely fortunate that we came together and were able to get through this as a unit. They are truly the most incredible human beings I’ve ever met.

Being your own advocate

It comes down to trusting your gut. Without it, people are going to infer things. Always over-communicate, always advocate and say, “I know what’s best for myself,” even if that doesn’t mean you have an answer.

You are your own person — the only person that will go through this physically, and you have every right to share and provide yourself with every ounce of control. Your voice is your power.


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